he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
