i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
