I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
