My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
