3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
