So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
