I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
