But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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