Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am mentally ready for anal.
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