i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
