It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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