I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
