you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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