You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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