Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
