I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
