Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
