Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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