My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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