the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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