I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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