i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
