South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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