Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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