dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
