The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
