As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
