thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
