I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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