I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
