You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
