i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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