it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You have to summon your inner elephant
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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