girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
