Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
