Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
