I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I will pee on everything he values.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
