My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
