okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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