Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
