Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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