You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
