Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
