she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
