We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
