If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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