I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
