This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
