have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
