did you get engaged???
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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